I’ll start with the fact that I having sleeping issues.
I would say each night I stay up till about 4 or 5 in the morning. Trust me, I have tried almost all the “remedies”:
- THE LAVENDER SCENTED CANDLE- I think my biggest issue is that I don’t like the smell of lavender, so I end up sneezing or…
I am so excited for everything
I’m a perfoming arts major.
I am literally going to school to learn how to play pretend really well.
So, remember that when you want to judge my character.
Ahahahah. Get it. Character.
I’m an actor.
It is tragically easy to fall into the trap of existing. You go through the motions of your life and at the end of your day you find yourself in bed, turning over, ready for the motion of falling asleep, and then you wake up and you repeat the process. You’ve got a timeline and a plan and you’re just wading the waters of preparation until you’ve got enough gigs on your resume or money saved up to do that thing that will change your life.
Sometimes it’s hard to be “the best you” you can be, (if that isn’t irony). Especially so at this point in life it seems: a milion twenty-something year olds all running around on a playground that’s too big for them, pretending they know how to cook the tray of plastic muffins.
It’s difficult to live in the moment and feel grateful. That’s what I’m trying to say here, I think. It may change as I write, I’m a pretty inconsistent thinker (I guess blame that on my zodiac or my watching the Animaniacs as a kid). It’s difficult to live in the moment. As individuals we all come with our personal stories and dreams and we’re all running to the finish line. The finish line. We’ve all thought it. “That person” has it all figured out. Why don’t you? It becomes so easy to discard any gratitude for where we are now because we are so busy obsessing about where we should be. We’re forgetting that the things we have now were once the things that we only dreamed about. I think that’s so pretty and so sad.
We are a generation of over-achievers, trying to achieve every last dream we dreamt up when we were ten that we said we’d have done by the time we were twenty. We’re trying to impress our parents, our peers, ourselves. Ambition is wonderful, but we forget to love where we are. Being grateful is overlooked, I think, because somewhere along the line it was disguised as a waste of time. Someone threw some weird-ass, probably gross felt blanket over gratitude and said “You sure look a hell of a lot like settling. I don’t like your face.” Being grateful and proud of where you are is not settling, unless you use being grateful and proud of where you are as an excuse to settle.
I think the kicker, the part that most people don’t really think about or recognize, is that feeling grateful about where you are feels really fucking fantastic. Seriously, it feels great. It doesn’t make you want to settle. It makes you want to run out and grab the Earth and accomplish even more. And if you’re going through a less-than-pleasant time, it provides at minimum one deep breath. Deep breaths are awesome and relaxing, okay? And as someone who has actual problems breathing sometimes a single deep breath feels like fucking money. So enjoy that deep breath. If you’re still reading I’m going to assume you’re either very bored, very interested in what I’m saying, or at the very least find me funny. So here’s what I do to make myself remember to live in the moment and love where I am: I talk to myself. I’m serious. Talk to yourself. Verbally narrate where you were and where you are now. What you had and what you have now. What you had dreamed about doing and what you’ve done now. Probably if you’re reading this you’re a performing arts major anyway, so your roommates should already be used to you talking to yourself while you run lines. If not…have fun with them and tell them you can talk to spirits and didn’t mean for them to find out. But for me at least, it really does help. I’m proud of where I’ve made it and excited for how far I’m aiming to go.
And it’s nice to read things like this every once in a while “oh yes how nice I should do that” but to actually not forget to and to actually stand there and feel good about yourself for even five minutes can change your entire day. So, strategically, do it in the morning. But now I’m telling you how to cheat the system on gratitude so I’ll leave it there. My parting more serious note will be this:
The biggest tragedy is not the risk of failing our dreams but the risk of fulfilling them and forgetting to notice.